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HEAVEN – Tonight’s winner of the Heavenly Heisman was no surprise really. Jesus Christ, Personal Lord and Savior to Christians Everywhere, won for a stunning 313th year in a row, beating out the Prophet Muhammed, may Peace be upon Him, for a record 40th year (Abraham edged Buddha for third place). As expected, Christ’s foot soldiers on the battlefield we know as the Gridiron won this award for him, opening massive holes in their spread option offense with an amazing receiving corps led by Sts. Augustine and Alphonse.
A tearful Jesus took the podium, heralded by a choir of cherubim, pointing to the sky and thanking God, the Father Almighty. He nodded silently while the audience gave him a standing ovation, finally gently motioning for them to sit down. “I’d first like to thank my family, God and Mary, my step-dad Joseph; you guys have been phenomenal, thanks for being there for everything!” He began. “I’d like to thank Tim Tebow for believing in me so firmly. You’re the best buddy – don’t ever change. I’d like to thank all the angels and the saints, they’re my supporting cast and I have to represent for them – ya’ll know this is for you! I’m so proud just to be able to play football at this level and it’s a real honor to get to be back here this year!” His next few sentences were unintelligible and may have been in Aramaic.
“I’d like to thank Tim Tebow again,” he continued. “Tim Tebow really stood by me through this whole way and my relationship with him has never been stronger.” Jesus finally lifted His golden trophy above His angelic head and shook it triumphantly. “I love all of you!” He exclaimed and left the stage, to be met by Muhammed (Peace be upon Him), who gave him a big hug.
A great night of real humility capped off with a beautiful presentation. Congratulations, Jesus, it was well deserved!
As well we know, Mathletics are a major part of any University’s repertoire of activities – without Mathletes, where would national powerhouses like Carnegie Mellon and University of California Riverside be? Nowhere, that’s where! To build a successful program to attract the nations top Mathletes, you need to exhibit not only the facilities but also the following and environment that stimulates the mathlete – not unlike the athlete. However, he or she can be swayed by a school’s tradition and history of success, not merely wins and losses. Part of those winning ways are folded into the tradition – but that’s why it’s important to allow for up and coming Mathletics programs to try their hands at the Great-Grandaddy of Them All – the Mathlete Rose Bowl.
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SOUTH BEND, IN – For the last six years he has been the most wanted man in America. Now he is on his way to South Bend.
Notre Dame shocked the college football world with the announcement of their newest member of the 2008 recruiting class. Read the rest of this entry »
COLUMBUS, OH – Students at the The Ohio State University are still raving over the Halloween costumes worn last weekend by the members of the OSU football team. The Buckeyes wowed the community by imitating great Buckeyes of the past.
Local bartender Eric Cooper was most impressed with the performance of the offense. “The way that [quarterback Todd] Boeckman was throwing the ball was exactly like Art Schlichter. Man, that kid must have had money riding on the Penn State game.” Read the rest of this entry »
After closing in on watching an impressive 10 games per week, including non-conference games, I am officially the frontrunner for the 2007 Heisman trophy, presented by a truck!
A special message from Karl Benson, commisioner of the Western Athletic Conference.
Hello out there! Karl here, inviting all the fans of some traditional college football out west for some WAC-tion! Now, I love college football, and I know there’s plenty of people that love college football too. Which is why I’m proud to invite some fellow college football fans to watch some unexciting WAC action this weekend.