Coach Lloyd Carr To Call HB Iso

June 29, 2007

At his weekly press conference, Michigan head coach Lloyd Carr has announced his intention of calling the Halfback Isolation play, more commonly referred to as ‘HB Iso.’ “I feel with the strength of running back Mike Hart and the overall strength of our offensive line, the half-back iso is a great play to run in order to gain between 2 and 5 yards on a consistent basis.”

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A Drunk College Student Reads Phil Steele’s Preview Of His Favorite Team

June 13, 2007

Yo, is that that fuckin’ college preview mag? Gimme dat, I’m droppin a deuce in your shitter, need something to read. Fuck, beer always makes me shit. Read the rest of this entry »

The How-to Guide to Picking a Good Team Name and Mascot

June 11, 2007

Now that you’ve got an idea on how to act with contempt should the glorious SEC choose your school, and how to have a marching band that won’t get you sanctions from the NCAA, now you have to choose a team name and mascot. Its tedious and very difficult, as there are probably people pushing you every which way. Here’s some tips to keep in mind:

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Recent Graduate Finds Agritcultural Journalism Degree Isn’t Worth Shit

June 9, 2007

The month of May traditionally is the bearer of many annual events. Spring is in full bloom, NBA and NHL playoffs are winding up, and we all celebrate Cinco de Mayo. But, for hundreds of thousands of college students, the month of May is the month they finally unshackle themselves from Ramen noodles and all-night study sessions and receive their diploma, soon to begin their search for their career.

For some, that search is harder than others. For example, recent University of Wisconsin graduate John Stocco is finding his degree in agricultural journalism isn’t worth shit. “I can’t say that I expected to receive a job right out of the gate, but this is becoming very disheartening,” Stocco said. “I shoulda been business. My friend Joe (Thomas) found a job, and he found out he was hired when he was fishing.”

Stocco was invited to interview with an in-state athletic program, but he admits he went more for the experience of the hiring process. “When I got there, I saw the writing on the wall. I knew I wasn’t what they were looking for,” Stocco said regarding his application process.

His rejection letter confirms this. “While we found (John Stocco) to be highly qualified, we have decided not to hire anyone to fill the position.” said human resources manager Micheal McCarthy. “We wish you the best in your search for employment.”

While deterred, Stocco knows that he’ll find a job soon. “I’m already applying for a position in New York, and hopefully I’ll be able to work something out with that organization soon.”

Considering how Wisconsin has a lot more farmland than New York, that does not seem likely. University of Wisconsin Career Services advisor Marsha Goldwith offers this advice, “The majority of jobs filled are filled because of networking, and the world of agricultural journalism is no different. John should get in contact with his now-fellow alumni Ron Dayne, also an ag journalism major, and see if he knows of an opening in Texas for him.”

Jericho Back on the Tuber

June 8, 2007

After hearing that their favorite show was cancelled, fans of CBS’s Jericho took matters into their own hands by raining 20 tons of peanuts on CBS headquarters. In response, the network announced that it would bring the show back next fall.

The fans of Jericho have proved that terrorism is still a viable course of action if you want to get things done these days. We, as college football fans, should learn from this event and start some postal terror campaigns of our own. We can make college administrators everywhere fear our disposable incomes.

We’re very much open to your suggestions – here’s a few to start:

Send your used clothing to Oregon.

University of Oregon Athletic Department
2727 Leo Harris Parkway
Eugene, OR 97401

Jerseys, pants, and warmup suits are preferred, but even bathrobes, towels, and potato sacks can go a long way to help athletes at the University of Oregon maintain a halfway respectable appearance again.

Tampons to University of Florida president Bernard Machen.

Office of the President
226 Tigert Hall, PO Box 113150
Gainesville, FL 32611

What better way to tell someone they’re a fucking pussy than by flooding their mailbox with tampons? Thanks a lot, Machen, for getting our hopes up and making us think you had balls of steel. If a playoff system is ever implemented in college football, we’re sure you’ll be there saying that it’s what you’ve been working for all along. But we know what you really are.