Things Happened On: August 30th.

August 31, 2007

2 LSU at Mississippi State, Murray State at 10 Louisville, 14 Buffalo at Rutgers, Weber State at 24 Boise State – I’ll give you a hint who wins: schools you could locate on a map.

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Penn State is getting screwed again

August 27, 2007

There’s something rotten in State College, and we’re not talking about Grandpa Joe’s dentures.

They’ve long known in Nittany-ville that the referees are biased against the Nittany Lions. All throughout 2006, Joe Paterno was eying the Alamo Bowl as he does his pile of Betty Page papyri every night. Alas, ’twas not meant to be. The evil Big Ten commissioner’s office, run by the tight knit Ohio State/Michigan cartel, in an act frighteningly akin to rape, brutally forced Penn State to play in Tampa instead.

p1_paterno.jpg

Paterno exhales following his daily session in the hyperbaric chamber.

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H2DN 2007 Previews – Texas Tech Red Raiders

August 24, 2007

Rumor has it that Mike Leach has taken up drinking again. Not really because of that Insight Bowl comeback since he planned it all the way (though I needed a stiff one after that). No, it was because for the first time in 3 seasons, his team wasn’t 1st in passing, wasn’t 1st in scoring in the Big XII, and hadn’t scored 70 points in a game during the season.

Leach is not depressed, though. He has a slew of quarterbacks to choose from. Those prima donna wide receivers have finally graduated themselves off of his roster. His defense is poised to fall into the bottom of the NCAA, maybe even last again! No, Mike Leach has the world exactly where he wants it.

QBs

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H2DN 2007 Preview: University of Southern California Trojans

August 24, 2007

Announcer: Last week, on Top Back…

CJ Gable: Listen man, I didn’t come to (expletive) camp to see myself off the two-deep. I’m gonna play this year man. I’m gonna play.

Emmanuel Moody: (Stafon) Johnson says you botched this week’s Safety Drill for the two of ya. You know Coach was lookin’ real hard at ya, and ya still blew it for your team. You know how that looks, you know.

Gable: He knows who’s the best, and that’s me.

Announcer: And Chauncey Washington tells us his thoughts on the latest Two-Deep…

Chauncey Washington: Man, feeling real good about that. I may be dinged up after practice, but Coach still knows who’s the best. I was the go-to guy last season, and Coach hasn’t changed that.

Announcer: We now go live to the Cutting Room, where USC Coach Pete Carroll is about to decide who will remain as a Top Back…

Pete Carroll: I’m about to read the names of 4 tailbacks on the roster. When I call your name, I want you to come up and take a USC Song Girl. That means that you’ll be staying for another week. pulls out list Chauncey Washington. CJ Gable. Stafon Johnson. Allen Bradford. The rest of you are backups.

Emmanuel Moody: Fuck it, I’m goin’ to Florida.

With this picture, Hell2DaNaw enters the Guiness Book of World Records for “Most Pictures of Fez On A Sports Blog.”

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Star Prospect Decides Against Football

August 23, 2007

After a furious week of recruiting, superstar prospect H. Dean has decided to pursue a career in association football instead of college football. Dean has signed a two-year deal with Mexico’s FC Atlante.

Dean on August 11 as he arrives in Cancun to play for Mexico’s FC Atlante.

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H2DN 2007 Preview – Michigan State Spartans

August 23, 2007

I will make the comments available to the people if you have thoughts about Hell2DaNaw get ’em out, but let me start by saying this: There is a 50/50 split with blame for Hell2DaNaw’s outright choke job.

Let me repeat that for you. Choke job. You want to see the definition of choke in the dictionary, you’ll see Hell2DaNaw. From the very top to Shooter McGavin, to the spammers in the comment. It is an out and out choke job.

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Southern Mississippi To Adopt Notre Dame Philosophy

August 16, 2007

Perennial Conference-USA contender Southern Mississippi had announced today in a press conference that they have adopted Knute Rockne’s old philosophy of playing ‘anyone, anywhere.’

What the hell is he doing here?

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