Things Happened On: August 30th.

2 LSU at Mississippi State, Murray State at 10 Louisville, 14 Buffalo at Rutgers, Weber State at 24 Boise State – I’ll give you a hint who wins: schools you could locate on a map.

Combined score: 212 – 20. All four games were football matches by way of 60 minutes split up into 4 quarters, 11 men to a team and so on. The only competitive facet of the four aforementioned games was the fact the Bulldogs were able to match their unheralded defense against LSU’s more trumpeted squad, holding the Tigers to a field goal in the first quarter. Micheal Henig actually had a solid day behind center, completing 17 of 28 passes. He was pulled in the 4th quarter when coaches discovered 6 of those passes were to LSU. (Let’s be fair: at worst, just 4 of them were his fault. )

The other 3 games netted the losing schools over a million dollars total! Ken Jennings took over fifty days on Jeopardy to do that, and he had to win every single time he showed up.

In unranked news, Iowa State did not beat Kent State, not winning by 9 points. In the not-victory, not-winning Iowa State coach Gene Chizik said “Listen Jaime Pollard, stop that check. Those fuckers don’t deserve to get paid for a not-beating.”

Those Things Happened on August 30th. Tonight, Things That Will Happen are: Navy plays at Temple. Don’t you hate how the triple option would totally succeed if it was used against a slower, undisciplined team? Also, Washington plays at Syracuse, where they will be blown away by the low, low prices on Carrier heating and air conditioning, much as Murray State was surprised by the quality Papa John’s Pizza at an affordable price.

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