I Am In First Place In The Heisman Race

After closing in on watching an impressive 10 games per week, including non-conference games, I am officially the frontrunner for the 2007 Heisman trophy, presented by a truck!

Week 1 started out slowly for me. After weeks of buildup, I was forced to watch games on ESPN360 at work. Even under these auspicious circumstances, I still managed to spread the word about Appalachian State’s miraculous upset of Meeeechigan to my friends via text message. Somehow, I managed to avoid the functional DNP on Sunday by celebrating fiercely, collapsing sometime after question marks after making my way to bars I don’t remember going to.

Week 2 saw much adversity. While once again, I enjoyed watching Meeeechigan collapse against the mythical spread offense, and saw LSU become the behemothy monstrosity against yet another hapless quarterback, the roommate’s girlfriend was in town, and I could not, for the life of me, remember her name. I still managed to watch the Badgers stumble to a victory in Vegas while they canoodled no more than 3 feet away from me.

Week 3 almost took me out of the race. While tailgating in front of a hospital, noon rolled around, and I wondered just exactly how well the Badgers were doing against the 1-AA foe we picked out for the year. “tied 14-14” was my brother’s reply. The handoff of information, if you will, spurred my running game to the closest bar. Yet, even when confronted with the information that Wisconsin’s defense couldn’t stop a 70 pound 7 year old, it stopped my advance to high-priced alcohol. I was forced to put my friends on my back and carry us to a TV. Pundits all around were hailing my Heisman-like drive.

Week 4 was a microcosm of the season so far: high highs and low lows. The appetizer of Miami’s throtteling of the Aggies couldn’t prepare me for Saturday’s bounty of highlights. I saw Virginia quietly continue their conference winning streak, Syracuse rattling off the biggest upset of the day, and Rice played Texas, not because it was easy, but because it was difficult. My own 4th quarter saw me at the bar, loudly chanting ‘cyclone rejects’ to the Iowa fans clapping for the one touchdown they got. Clearly a clutch play from the intoxicated vetran.

Week 5 was historic. HISTORIC. Oklahoma fell to unranked Colorado, Maryland beat Rutgers, Georgia Tech throttled Clemson, FSU still managed to pull out an important win over Bama, Auburn did what Auburn does and beat Florida in the Swamp, and the Illini out-Zooked Penn State, and I saw it all. I was greatly aided by the dual-watch television setup that I ran my offense through, but I still managed to perform above and beyond all viewing expectations.

Week 6 made me almost miss the last bus home. I had to sit one of my very good friends down on a park bench outside State Street and explain to her the socio-political ramifications of Stanford beating Southern Cal. The inherent parity now available to the previously one-horsed Pac 10, now open to a UCLA squad that had lost to Utah and Notre Dame. In a more personal note, Tebow had a chance to solidify a lead for the Heisman, but instead led to Florida’s second loss in a row.

Week 7 was really boring. I took advantage of the new hi-def TV in my friends room, making the day seem like a non-conference game.

Week 8 saw me slipping away in the race, sacrificing some potentially interesting games to go back to Camp Randall as an alumnus. The gamble almost failed, but I managed a last-ditch effort by hurrying to watch the final of Iowa State – Oklahoma. UCLA said ‘fuck you’ to expectations by beating a Cal team that had fellow Heisman hopeful DeSean Jackson see his chances at a New York invite buried.

Considering how wide open the field is, I can’t believe my stats aren’t getting me noticed.


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