COLUMBUS, OH – Students at the The Ohio State University are still raving over the Halloween costumes worn last weekend by the members of the OSU football team. The Buckeyes wowed the community by imitating great Buckeyes of the past.
Local bartender Eric Cooper was most impressed with the performance of the offense. “The way that [quarterback Todd] Boeckman was throwing the ball was exactly like Art Schlichter. Man, that kid must have had money riding on the Penn State game.” Cooper gave credit to the other skill position players as well. “Beanie Wells just blew me away with his costume. It’s amazing how kids these days remember Archie Griffin even though he played before they were born. I was confused Brian Robiskie, though, ” he continued, “I guess he was going for Cris Carter, or maybe Terry Glenn, I’m not sure. At one point he looked like David Boston, but I suppose he couldn’t get the materials in time to make more muscles for himself.”
Linebacker Marcus Freeman shed some light on how the group planned for the holiday. “We just tried to keep it simple this year, you know? We worked with what we had. James [Laurinaitis] wanted to be AJ Hawk, but we just didn’t have enough makeup or wigs. Then he wanted to be Andy Katzenmoyer, but Coach Heacock told him it was inappropriate to make fun of the mentally handicapped. Finally James just grew a quick porn stache and BOOM – instant Chris Spielman.”
According to Freeman, this team has learned from past experiences. “None of us forget last year. We were going to do a reenactment of the ‘Thriller’ video with Troy Smith in the Michael Jackson role. We spent a lot of hours figuring out the choreography and the hype around campus was huge, but when it came time to perform at the party, we were a huge disappointment.”
Some coaches dressed up too, but for the seventh consecutive year, no one seemed to notice Jim Tressel’s Mr. Rogers costume.