H2DN 2007 Previews – Texas Tech Red Raiders

August 24, 2007

Rumor has it that Mike Leach has taken up drinking again. Not really because of that Insight Bowl comeback since he planned it all the way (though I needed a stiff one after that). No, it was because for the first time in 3 seasons, his team wasn’t 1st in passing, wasn’t 1st in scoring in the Big XII, and hadn’t scored 70 points in a game during the season.

Leach is not depressed, though. He has a slew of quarterbacks to choose from. Those prima donna wide receivers have finally graduated themselves off of his roster. His defense is poised to fall into the bottom of the NCAA, maybe even last again! No, Mike Leach has the world exactly where he wants it.

QBs

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H2DN 2007 Preview: University of Southern California Trojans

August 24, 2007

Announcer: Last week, on Top Back…

CJ Gable: Listen man, I didn’t come to (expletive) camp to see myself off the two-deep. I’m gonna play this year man. I’m gonna play.

Emmanuel Moody: (Stafon) Johnson says you botched this week’s Safety Drill for the two of ya. You know Coach was lookin’ real hard at ya, and ya still blew it for your team. You know how that looks, you know.

Gable: He knows who’s the best, and that’s me.

Announcer: And Chauncey Washington tells us his thoughts on the latest Two-Deep…

Chauncey Washington: Man, feeling real good about that. I may be dinged up after practice, but Coach still knows who’s the best. I was the go-to guy last season, and Coach hasn’t changed that.

Announcer: We now go live to the Cutting Room, where USC Coach Pete Carroll is about to decide who will remain as a Top Back…

Pete Carroll: I’m about to read the names of 4 tailbacks on the roster. When I call your name, I want you to come up and take a USC Song Girl. That means that you’ll be staying for another week. pulls out list Chauncey Washington. CJ Gable. Stafon Johnson. Allen Bradford. The rest of you are backups.

Emmanuel Moody: Fuck it, I’m goin’ to Florida.

With this picture, Hell2DaNaw enters the Guiness Book of World Records for “Most Pictures of Fez On A Sports Blog.”

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H2DN 2007 Preview – Michigan State Spartans

August 23, 2007

I will make the comments available to the people if you have thoughts about Hell2DaNaw get ’em out, but let me start by saying this: There is a 50/50 split with blame for Hell2DaNaw’s outright choke job.

Let me repeat that for you. Choke job. You want to see the definition of choke in the dictionary, you’ll see Hell2DaNaw. From the very top to Shooter McGavin, to the spammers in the comment. It is an out and out choke job.

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H2DN 2007 Preview – Temple Owls

July 26, 2007

If you don’t count lacrosse as a sport, Philly as a city has been sans championship for 20-some years. Their hero is a fictional boxer whose most famous match is a loss.

For a college football program, Temple is about as perfect as a match for Philadelphia as you can get.

YOU KNOW
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H2DN 2007 Previews – Tulsa Golden Hurricane

July 23, 2007

 Editor’s Note: Because the Mid-Major writers of our own staff our too lazy, we have outsourced a few previews to certain generous posters from the Something Awful forums.  Today “drunk leprechaun” teaches us about his Adopted Mid-Major, Tulsa:

When Tulsa moved from the WAC to Conference USA in 2005, Tulsa was expected to contribute more to basketball, not football. However, Steve Kragthorpe’s squad took the conference by surprise and won the conference in their first year. Kragthorpe has moved on to Louisville, but the Golden Hurricane has brought in several great coaches. Todd Graham was Tulsa’s DC from 2003-05 when he left for the head coaching job at Rice. He lead the Owl’s to their first bowl game since 1961, and has now come back to help Tulsa become a dominant program in CUSA West. He is joined by Gus Malzahn, the former OC of Arkansas who was part of the Springdale drama-bomb. This year he is supposed to implement his no huddle spread offense, but we all know how that went down at Arkansas. Herb Hand comes from WVU to be co-OC and o-line coach. It will be interesting to see what Tulsa can do with these shifts in the coaching staff, and if they can avoid any drama related to Springdale, Malzahn, and Arkansas.

Golden Hurricane
Seriously that is a Golden Hurricane? It looks more like the offspring of Superman and a carrot.
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H2DN 2007 Previews – Oklahoma Sooners

July 21, 2007

Bob Stoops is looking forward to his 9th season as coach of Oklahoma and after last year’s debacles, is probably ready to get this thing started. The losses of Rhett Bomar, Adrian Peterson and against Oregon and Boise State made every fan find last year forgettable despite being the Big 12 champion. It also made them drunk – very drunk.

While Stoops’ appeal to ban trick plays has been denied, he still has much to look forward to this year. He leads a talented team versus a favorable schedule. Miami, Texas A&M, Oklahoma State, and Missouri all come to Norman. But they still have the stigma of faltering in their bowl games. The Sooners have had their fair share of shit sandwiches the past 4 years and I heard from a good source “they are tired of eating shit.”

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H2DN 2007 Preview – Michigan Wolverines

July 20, 2007

Michigan is fresh off its traditional end of season treat, back to back losses to Ohio State and USC. It has long been speculated that Lloyd Carr has massive gambling debts and can only repay them by continually losing the last two games of every season. Either that or he’s just a shitty coach, no one is really sure.

The 2006 season looked bright with an 11-0 start including a complete dismantling of Charlie Weis’ Fighting Irish; Michigan fans had hope. It wasn’t long before a matchup of two unbeaten titans, two powerhouses, two great rivals came to pass. Surely this would be the game that put us over the top, that ended the misery, that brought us forward into a new era of dominance! Unfortunately we’d forgotten one thing, one team was coached by Lloyd Carr, and the other by Jim Tressel. Also, Ohio State happened to have this guy named Troy Smith, but I’m doing my best to forget he ever existed. (This should be easy as long as I don’t watch the CFL)

All in all it was a very strong season considering Michigan had been 7-5 the year before, but losing to Ohio State (again) and in a Bowl Game (again) made it a largely forgettable year. Some signs of a bright future did present themselves, an attacking defense that crushed everyone… Except Ohio State. And USC. More talented young players on offense…who were often injured or booted off the team… The emergence of Alan Branch as an unstoppable rampaging monster…who promptly left for the NFL. And the arrival of much talked about 5* recruit Ronald Joh….oh he went to USC. Certainly it was a season of good and bad, delight and soul crushing disappointment, essentially the true Michigan football experience.

Lest we forget

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