Jesus Christ wins Heavenly Heisman, thanks Tebow

December 23, 2007

HEAVEN – Tonight’s winner of the Heavenly Heisman was no surprise really. Jesus Christ, Personal Lord and Savior to Christians Everywhere, won for a stunning 313th year in a row, beating out the Prophet Muhammed, may Peace be upon Him, for a record 40th year (Abraham edged Buddha for third place). As expected, Christ’s foot soldiers on the battlefield we know as the Gridiron won this award for him, opening massive holes in their spread option offense with an amazing receiving corps led by Sts. Augustine and Alphonse.

A tearful Jesus took the podium, heralded by a choir of cherubim, pointing to the sky and thanking God, the Father Almighty. He nodded silently while the audience gave him a standing ovation, finally gently motioning for them to sit down. “I’d first like to thank my family, God and Mary, my step-dad Joseph; you guys have been phenomenal, thanks for being there for everything!” He began. “I’d like to thank Tim Tebow for believing in me so firmly. You’re the best buddy – don’t ever change. I’d like to thank all the angels and the saints, they’re my supporting cast and I have to represent for them – ya’ll know this is for you! I’m so proud just to be able to play football at this level and it’s a real honor to get to be back here this year!” His next few sentences were unintelligible and may have been in Aramaic.

“I’d like to thank Tim Tebow again,” he continued. “Tim Tebow really stood by me through this whole way and my relationship with him has never been stronger.” Jesus finally lifted His golden trophy above His angelic head and shook it triumphantly. “I love all of you!” He exclaimed and left the stage, to be met by Muhammed (Peace be upon Him), who gave him a big hug.

A great night of real humility capped off with a beautiful presentation. Congratulations, Jesus, it was well deserved!


I Am In First Place In The Heisman Race

October 26, 2007

After closing in on watching an impressive 10 games per week, including non-conference games, I am officially the frontrunner for the 2007 Heisman trophy, presented by a truck!

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News in Brief: Football’s Back!

September 5, 2007

College football spans all 50 states (while quality college football is confined to about 14), so there’s a lot to digest, even for those just skimming box scores. This means plenty of stories are out of the eyes of the public. Here’s some of the more interesting from the first week of football, August 30th to September 3rd.

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H2DN’s “The Year After Next Year’s Top 10 Pre-Season Rankings”

April 4, 2007

If H2DN is anything, it isn’t your typical college football blog. We don’t have embedded Youtube videos or breaking news. And that isn’t because we don’t know how to actually embed Youtube videos. Or because we don’t have access to AP newswires or sources speaking on the condition of anonymity. No, it’s because we strive to be unique.

That’s why today’s post is very special to all of us here. We are proving our uniqueness by posting the very first college football Top 10 for 2008. Yes, you heard right. We here at H2DN are working quicker than an EA Sports franchise. We feel that it’s easy to predict the top ten teams in the nation for next year. USC, Florida, Michigan, Texas, Wisconsin, LSU, Ohio State, West Virginia, Georgia, and Arkansas. Boom, done. Where’s the fun in that? It takes people with a special skill, a certain je ne sais quoi to do what we’re doing. To really help our readers out, we have provided them with the world’s most comprehensive, well-written, and literally only Top 10 list for the upcoming upcoming season.

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