Case Western Receives Mathlete Rose Bowl Bid over Rensselaer Polytechnic – Tradition Blamed

December 4, 2007

As well we know, Mathletics are a major part of any University’s repertoire of activities – without Mathletes, where would national powerhouses like Carnegie Mellon and University of California Riverside be? Nowhere, that’s where! To build a successful program to attract the nations top Mathletes, you need to exhibit not only the facilities but also the following and environment that stimulates the mathlete – not unlike the athlete. However, he or she can be swayed by a school’s tradition and history of success, not merely wins and losses. Part of those winning ways are folded into the tradition – but that’s why it’s important to allow for up and coming Mathletics programs to try their hands at the Great-Grandaddy of Them All – the Mathlete Rose Bowl.
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H2DN 2007 Preview: University of Southern California Trojans

August 24, 2007

Announcer: Last week, on Top Back…

CJ Gable: Listen man, I didn’t come to (expletive) camp to see myself off the two-deep. I’m gonna play this year man. I’m gonna play.

Emmanuel Moody: (Stafon) Johnson says you botched this week’s Safety Drill for the two of ya. You know Coach was lookin’ real hard at ya, and ya still blew it for your team. You know how that looks, you know.

Gable: He knows who’s the best, and that’s me.

Announcer: And Chauncey Washington tells us his thoughts on the latest Two-Deep…

Chauncey Washington: Man, feeling real good about that. I may be dinged up after practice, but Coach still knows who’s the best. I was the go-to guy last season, and Coach hasn’t changed that.

Announcer: We now go live to the Cutting Room, where USC Coach Pete Carroll is about to decide who will remain as a Top Back…

Pete Carroll: I’m about to read the names of 4 tailbacks on the roster. When I call your name, I want you to come up and take a USC Song Girl. That means that you’ll be staying for another week. pulls out list Chauncey Washington. CJ Gable. Stafon Johnson. Allen Bradford. The rest of you are backups.

Emmanuel Moody: Fuck it, I’m goin’ to Florida.

With this picture, Hell2DaNaw enters the Guiness Book of World Records for “Most Pictures of Fez On A Sports Blog.”

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H2DN 2007 Previews – Washington Huskies

July 13, 2007

It has been three years since the Washington Husky fan base has had anything to look forward to for the upcoming season. Coming off of a 5-7 season that followed two 10-loss campaigns, coach Tyrone Willingham looks to bring the Husky football program back to respectability and their first bowl game since 2003. Will the Huskies be able to overcome a very tough schedule? Will a redshirt freshman QB be able to handle the pressure and lead the team to a winning record? Will anyone west of the Rockies care what the latte drinkers do in their mid-major conference?

Yeah...not this year, Stanley.
Here we find the lone Harris Poll voter to rank Washington #1 in the 2007 Preseason Poll.

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The How-to Guide to Picking a Good Team Name and Mascot

June 11, 2007

Now that you’ve got an idea on how to act with contempt should the glorious SEC choose your school, and how to have a marching band that won’t get you sanctions from the NCAA, now you have to choose a team name and mascot. Its tedious and very difficult, as there are probably people pushing you every which way. Here’s some tips to keep in mind:

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Jericho Back on the Tuber

June 8, 2007

After hearing that their favorite show was cancelled, fans of CBS’s Jericho took matters into their own hands by raining 20 tons of peanuts on CBS headquarters. In response, the network announced that it would bring the show back next fall.

The fans of Jericho have proved that terrorism is still a viable course of action if you want to get things done these days. We, as college football fans, should learn from this event and start some postal terror campaigns of our own. We can make college administrators everywhere fear our disposable incomes.

We’re very much open to your suggestions – here’s a few to start:

Send your used clothing to Oregon.

University of Oregon Athletic Department
2727 Leo Harris Parkway
Eugene, OR 97401

Jerseys, pants, and warmup suits are preferred, but even bathrobes, towels, and potato sacks can go a long way to help athletes at the University of Oregon maintain a halfway respectable appearance again.

Tampons to University of Florida president Bernard Machen.

Office of the President
226 Tigert Hall, PO Box 113150
Gainesville, FL 32611

What better way to tell someone they’re a fucking pussy than by flooding their mailbox with tampons? Thanks a lot, Machen, for getting our hopes up and making us think you had balls of steel. If a playoff system is ever implemented in college football, we’re sure you’ll be there saying that it’s what you’ve been working for all along. But we know what you really are.


The Most Underachieving Teams (Not) in the Fulmer Cup

May 7, 2007

For those of you not in the know, the Fulmer Cup is an offseason award handed out by EDSBS to the team that spends its free time in the most productive ways. After compiling the all-time Fulmer Cup scoreboard, it became clear to us at H2DN that several schools are shockingly scoreless.

1. Florida State Seminoles Read the rest of this entry »

Mike Riley Joins Fraternity of NCAA Coaches with Rollover Provisions in Contracts

April 26, 2007

Yesterday, Oregon State’s Mike Riley was handed a raise and contract extension through the 2012 season. Riley will make a base salary of $850,000 that rises each year to about $1,100,000, not including bonuses. His contract also includes new rollover provision:

Riley’s contract also stipulates that a year will be added for every season the team participates in a bowl game.

Other coaches throughout the league have rollover provisions built into their contract. For instance, Kent State’s Doug Martin’s contract rolls over another year if the team has a .625 winning percentage in the MAC or if they finish in the top two of the MAC East.

And some coaches just have to keep breathing for their rollover provision to kick in. In state rival Mike Bellotti, Navy’s Paul Johnson, and Virginia’s Al Groh are among the coaches with contracts that automatically rollover each season regardless of outcome.

The most interesting coaching contract in the league, however, belongs to Penn State’s Joe Paterno. Read the rest of this entry »